Hello Juab High School! Allow me to introduce myself, you can call me Onion John. That of course is not my real name, but for entirely un-suspicious reasons I cannot disclose that information. Just recently I had to pack up everything I had and move to this quiet little town, also for very generic, uninteresting reasons that you definitely should not look into.
You may have noticed that I wear a mask. That may seem redundant in the world we live in today, but my mask is not like the ones you all have begun to wear only recently. My mask protects my identity as well as others from contagious viruses. I have been told that it is a little flamboyant, but if I’m going to be wearing a mask then gosh darn it I might as well still look good.
While I call this town home I will be occupied with writing completely factual accounts of events that unfold on the national and local levels. I think you will find my work enlightening and entertaining.
Until we meet, then, Adieu!